TO LIVE OR LEAVE: THE STORY OF ROOMMATES

The informal term for roommate is roomie, which is commonly used by university students in different parts of the world. Ever since time immemorial, the concept of having roommates has existed and the most common reason for sharing housing is to reduce the cost of housing. Roommates are typically unmarried young adults, including workers and students. It is not rare for middle-aged and elderly adults who are single, divorced, or widowed to have housemates.However, there are challenges and one of it is having the suitable roommate by way of eating and drinking habits and sharing responsibility, writes Meheret Selassie Mokonnen.

Two best friends, who were also roommates, got into a heated argument over religion. One was so angry he shot down his friend and eventually ate part of his brain. This happened in Ohio, 40 years ago and the news spread fast. Last week the world once again heard of the story of roommates as the shooter was denied parole for the sixth time. News has it that the man, now 60 years old, was deemed “unsuitable for release”. During the murder trial, the shooter pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity. He told a court ordered psychiatrist that he ate his friend’s brain as part of a "mutual agreement" between the roommates.

There are plenty stories concerning roommates, shocking as the above or with a happy ending. Living as roommates is common in many countries. Similarly, in Ethiopia, people have been living together for ages. What seems to be a recent phenomenon is the change in lifestyle. These days people visit social media pages like Facebook's What’s Happening in Addis to find roommates. There are also specific websites designed to tie roommates like iroommates.com and BetKiray.com. Similarly, there is also a website called CouchSurfing.com, which connects travellers from all over the world so that they get free accommodation. All these websites serve as a platform for interested parties to post their profile and wait for a person to pick them as a roommate.

Because of poverty, living together was considered to be more or less a lifestyle in slum areas. Though this reality hasn’t changed, nowadays there are factors to be considered besides poverty. Some are open to the idea of living with complete strangers for the sake of experience. Others choose to live with close friends to share their lives and have fun. While others are forced to have roommates in work-related purposes.

Some years back, Konjit Yehualashet got a chance to work in Uganda for one year. Upon her arrival she learnt that she will live with a Nepali roommate, who came as part of the same project she was a part of. The very first advice given to her by the company that oversaw her stay was, not to assimilate with her roommate. The organizers had witnessed many relationships between roommates end disastrously.

They shared the kitchen and living room while having separate bedrooms. They decided to chip in money and eat together. However, the cultural difference was unbearable. Both desired to have their own traditional food. In time they stopped dining together. But the disparity over food did not end there. The Nepali, a foodie, was passionate about cooking and eating. Konjit liked neither. While the Nepali cooked, it was as if every day was a holiday. She sought Konjit to help her out but, she repeatedly declined.

Konjit says her roommate was a conservative, suspicious and a dependent woman. She disapproved of guests, especially men, coming over to their home.  She never liked it while Konjit stayed out late or leaves their office without her. She demanded her company to the cinema, where she wanted them to watch movies of her choice only.

Konjit states that even if their cultural peculiarities led them to be completely different, they never got into a huge fight. She believes her one-year experience has changed her perspective on the idea of living with people who are somehow different from her. “People should be able to respect boundaries; it's only then that they can live in peace,” she says.

After she moved back to Ethiopia she started to live with her parents. A few months ago she decided that it is time she moved out. While she was looking for a place, one of her closest and oldest friends offered that they live together. Currently, they are setting up their studio condominium. Close friends to both warned them that living together might ruin their friendship. Nonetheless, Konjit says all it takes to live together is understanding each other and she believes that it is something she and her roommate retain.

Some cannot stand the idea of having roommates; be it a stranger or a friend. Others, though willing to give it a shot, are afraid of the consequences. Living together supposedly brings out mysterious sides of a person.  Therefore, it is said that losing loved ones in the process is not worth it. Others condemn living with roommates saying that they will not have privacy.

On the other hand, living together is perceived as a means of sharing burdens in life. Many attribute some of the best things that happened to them as a result of their roomies. Three major factors include gender, personality and experience. Living with similar and opposite sex holds a different experience.

Yafet Gizachew, a private business owner, believes that opposite sexes tend to get along better. In college he lived with four of his close male friends. All lived far from Addis Ababa University, making it difficult for them to spend more time in the library so they rented a small house closer to the university. All they can afford was a small bed which they shared. They used to dine, hang out, study and return home together.

He says that the first few months were enjoyable. They loved each other’s company. However, two of them started smoking and chewing khat, which Yafet dislikes. He says, “cigarette and chat drifted us apart.” The only problem they had before smoking and khat was when one of them invitesd a girlfriend overwhich was not a big deal. However, one day the smell of a cigarette from a pillow he was lying on woke Yafet up; instantly he was sick. His friends could not give up their habits. He then decided to move out. Their friendship ended shortly.

He says that the experience has taught him to value people who understand him. According to Yafet, though people can manage to live together, things will eventually start to fall apart, since people change constantly and coping up with people is nearly impossible.

Henok Getachew finds the idea of having a roommate fascinating. He and his wife live in a big house with several spare rooms. When his foreigner wife first brought up the idea of living with roommates, it was a bit strange for him. They started inviting people who come to Ethiopia to crash at their place. The idea seemed pleasant, since they were having a great time living with strangers. Afterwards, they thought of changing the situation into a business.

Henok posted their interest in a roommate from any part of the world on the international website CouchSurfing.com. In the house they share the kitchen and the living room with separate bedrooms. People can stay at their place as long as they wish. The deal is either they pay in cash or in kind. If someone is a little short in cash he or she can contribute to the house by cooking, fixing objects or any other talent one has.

He says living with people with different backgrounds is a thrilling journey. He is happy with experiences he had with people from different countries. “We learned to change even the worst situations to entertainment; and be grateful to what we have,” he says. He always recalls a perfumer who taught them all about making a perfume and an artist who made ten different kinds of omelette.

Everyone, who set foot in their house lived like family. “Some people are needy, some try to take advantage of others but, as long as there is understanding, clear communication, boundaries and shared responsibility living with people is simple,” he explains.

Hana Melkam, a nurse completely disagrees with the whole idea. “Living with roommates is intolerable,” she says. Though Henok believes that human contact is a valuable thing in life she says that life is meant to be led separately unless there is marriage.

A year ago, she and her five female friends won a project in Sebeta town of the Oromia Regional State. They thought of going back and forth from Addis Ababa to Sebata, but changed their mind thinking that it was a good opportunity for them to live together.

Life was good in their home, until little things started to become sources of argument. Apparently it led to yelling at each other and even physical fight at times. When one of them slept the other danced to a loud music. They fought about money, food and almost everything. They could not finish the project with their living situation so they separated, not to jeopardize their work.

Hana believes that life with roommates is difficult since everyone has a big ego and that hinders pleasant interactions. And yet she feels lonely living by her own.“Living alone holds me back from going to festive events meant to be shared with a friend. Difficult situations occur that could have been easier with someone to live with,” she says while explaining the down side. However, she would rather face the challenge alone than have a roommate.

Roommates’ lifestyle can be seen vis-à-vis urbanization and as being a more freer lifestyle. In a time where individualism has taken over the world, roomies shows the other side of life. Studies reflect countless people live with roommates during their youth. Some separate as a result of one getting married.

Be it horror or sitcom, this lifestyle has also aspired many feature and series movies. Sitcoms starting from the classic “Friends” to the recent “Big Bang Theory”, “New Girl” and “Two Broke Girls” can be mentioned. Thrillers like “The Roommates” and many more also show the life of roommates.

Artists Tamirat Gezahegn and Leikun Nahusenay have been roommates for years. They live close to Ras Mekonnen Bridge. Their home, which also happens to be an art studio, is called Nas Art Gedam and it has been a destination for many local and international artists.

According to Tamirat, it is the perfect living situation since both of them are artists. He says that they inspire each other and share ideas about art. And besides all the artistic works it is an economically wise decision. They say that they have never got in to a fight but rather understood each other deeply. They wish to make their home the ultimate destination for artists’ residency, Leikun explains.

Over the years they established rituals which both wish not to live without. Every morning they start their day by drinking an Abune Malta holy water. Abune Malta was a saint who has a church in Gerealta Mountain, in the Tigray Regional State. They usually eat out and cook at home if they are in the mood. Both are in charge of cleaning, buying objects and the like.

Both know when one of them needs to have privacy without having to ask for it. They drink, dance watch movies and discuss art in their studio. “We are there for each other, for better or worse,” Tamirat, who believes globalization is bringing every one closer, says. He believes that people have better means of communication and a space to share details about their life through social media.

“People should learn the art of living together. Ups and downs are part of life. One has to learn to give and receive as well. Everyone has problems at times, while living together people should be able to see beyond weak moments,” Leikun says.

Source: Reporter